dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
