Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
