he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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