im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
