If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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