3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
