Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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