You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
