Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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