I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
