Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you inspire me to be a worse person
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
