This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
