you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
