its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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