Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I smell stomach acid.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
