Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
