This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
