But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
