I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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