He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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