Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
