we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
