Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
