i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You have to summon your inner elephant
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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