Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
