the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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