so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
