I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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