ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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