there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
