Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
