Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My vagina is officially offended.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
