Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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