Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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