also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
time to smoke my breakfast
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
