i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
