but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
