Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
