Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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