everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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