cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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