did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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