I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
