I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
