Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
