Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
