Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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