Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
