We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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