walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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