I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
