I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
