My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
