The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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