I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize