i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
