Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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