nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
