Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.

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(909): View more from California

Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass

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(313): View more from Michigan

These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

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(561): View more from Florida

Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.

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(850): View more from Florida

I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.

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(415): View more from California

the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.

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