what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
