I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
