he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
