What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
