I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
