About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
