so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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